Losing My Grip

I'm not actually sure what I'm doing any more.

I've never had a complete handle on how I hoped life would turn out, I don't have a five year plan - I don't have a six month plan! I've been feeling really lost and confused, about everything, recently and I think I've just done something without thinking about it which means that I'm now absolutely numb and a little bit bloody scared.

Have you ever just wanted to pack up everything and leave, not really knowing where you're going or how things are going to pan out? I want to do this right now. But then I think about the commitments I've made to people, my measly but very real debt, and my family (who I'd miss terribly) and I ignore this burning and ever more frequent desire to, let's face it, run away.

I was once told that I'm an extremist. I don't do well sitting in the middle, I either react or I don't. I'm reacting today. I just told my housemates I want to move out, asked my mum if I could move in, I'm ending things with a guy I really like because he's too young for me to take him seriously long-term - I'm exhausted!