Twitch

My leg is bouncing uncontrollably as I will myself to stop thinking about you
It’s ridiculous that I feel this way
Twitchy and nervous
I haven’t heard from you in a week
And I know I won’t hear from you

Your smile is burnt into my memory
Every touch;
Every kiss
Butterflies in my stomach, fluttering wildly
Damn it

How’d did I get here again
Almost blindly
I love the feeling of falling
But it’s not much fun on your own

I'm not crying

I'm not crying but I do feel empty.
I feel lost and confused,
Angry with myself for being in this place.

I'm not crying but I want to scream, loudly.
I feel tense in my body,
Longing to lash out.

I'm not crying but I'm bloody exhausted.
Scared to tell the truth,
Denying myself a chance.

I'm not crying but I feel so lonely.
Vulnerable and naked,
Beaten and raw.

I'm not crying, I'm not.
But I feel like I want to.

Falling

How crazy is it that it's been 32 hours since I last kissed you but I can still feel the touch of your lips.

I can still smell you on my pillow and can still imagine the warmth of you lying beside me.

I love and hate feeling like this, because now I'm just waiting to hear from you again so that I can get all of this back for real.

I'm playing the game to keep me allusive, keep you comfortable and at a distance.
When all I want to do is see you or hear from you, I'm keeping myself busy so I'm not thinking about it; not thinking about you.

You have something I can't have but I'm indulging myself.
God what a dangerous game, because if I get swept up in it, I lose and if I lose...

I've been here before so many times.
Why don't I know better?