When All Is Said

Being honest with yourself can sometimes feel like an epiphany. A sense of euphoria washes over you and it's almost like a weight has been lifted... 

But realisation is the easy part, even if you felt the journey to it was tough, after the honesty comes the real work.

I'm not patient, I think we've all established that through other posts; I like to think it's because I'm an Aries rather than a general character flaw (denial is a girls best friend). 

In the last month I've made a few major decisions, taken some substantial actions, in my life:
To be or not to be a single mummy
Called time on the twisted ill-fated friendship I had with my ex
Called my mum out for being lazy with our relationship  

The result?

Feeling the most unwanted and most lost I've ever experienced in my life. 

I've literally been dreaming of packing up my shit and leaving everything, everyone behind in an effort to just start from scratch. I wouldn't do anything as 'drastic' as changing my name but I'd just kind of wipe the slate clean and start my life again. No pregnancy, no ex drama, no work expectations, no shitty family relations.  

Just me in a new place with everything to live for.

My dad said I need to find what makes me happy and just concentrate on that, but what if what makes you happy is a person or a job or a place? Apparently that's just stuff that shouldn't have an impact on your true happiness.


So what is happiness?





This, I fear, will be the real work after the epiphany.... FML