Mission Impooible (instead of possible)

Now this might not be to your taste but I have something to declare....

I have to be sneaky if I want to do a 'number 2' at work.

Please feel free to leave now if you're disgusted, I don't blame you, talking about poo has always been taboo. WHY? We all do it.

I've always been funny about going to the toilet. There was a point about ten years ago when I had to go to the doctor and get it all sucked out because I was so backed up I couldn't go without a little help.

I'd go to the toilet when I was comfortable, which meant either when I was in the house alone (I lived with my ex boyf), at my mum's - a 40 minute drive away or at my grandparent's who live 2 and a half hours drive away. Basically I did not go often enough and it was making me seriously ill.

I remember the woman who was 'clearing me out' turning to me and saying: "Lovely, you gotta go when you gotta go. This is not healthy." Since that day I make a conscious effort to go when I need to go.

Still it took me at least 6 months to be comfortable enough around my boyf to be able to go when he was in the house, which was the complete opposite to him - who is open with me about his daily bowel movements - it must be love.

Anyway back on topic, I work on the 1st floor of my office building and there are two toilets, one for the males and one for the females. On the floor below there are two sets, the floor below that (-1) one for the ladies, one for the boys and finally the basement.

Today I have been down to the basement on a secret mission twice. I'll take a laptop, a notepad but most just my phone, so if I get stopped I can pretend I just needed a quiet 5 minutes for a task when really it's so I can poo in peace and not have to worry anyone will hear me or worse... smell it!

*shudders*

TOILET PAPER DRAMA

I know some people have already read this because I posted it on my Myspace page and Hi5 but I thought that I'd open up the debate to the rest of the world (since I don't use many more social networks).

Basically, I hate the toilet paper my work place provides. The only other place I've had a worse experience with it was when I was on holiday in New York. There it was like wiping your arse with a post-it. Things just got messy!

So, why can't employers just provide us with an enjoyable 'potty' experience?

My work place has an issue with the toilet paper they buy. No, no actually that's wrong, I have an issue with the toilet paper my work place buys. It's CHEAP!

I used to have issues with getting my hands wet (Yes that's right) I'd practically finger myself while trying to wipe because the tissue would rip.

So I decided to use close to half the roll, which I then found hard to flush. Peeing should be a no-brainer but I'm having to calculate tissue paper against water pressure (I really didn't need the added annoyance)

But I put up with it, mainly because I refuse to bring in my own. Oh and guys.... Air Freshner please?!