Womb - Office - Tomb

In the last 7 months I've announced "A new start to life" at least 5 or 6 times. And every time it's had its highs and lows.

The highs are when you feel indestructible. You vow never to take any ‘shit’ from any one, ever again. You make plans upon plans so you know exactly what your next steps are; where you are going, when and why. Your days are full. So full that when you finally get home, you are completely exhausted, and just kind of collapse in a heap on your bed. Then you get up and do it all again.

The lows are when you realise that you have no time to yourself to just relax. You are starting to be forgetful and ditzy, you doubt the reasons you are doing something or going somewhere and in the end you suddenly feel as if you are right back where you started.

Since leaving Foxtons, I've not known where I'm going for the best of times. I'm just kind of milling through life, enjoying the time I have free with friends and family. All my life I've been trying to figure out what it is that I'm meant to be doing. Aiming for something because people expect you to make something of yourself.

Well, why?

I don't need, nor want, to be the next successful entrepreneur, or CEO/Marketing Director blah blah blah of any business! Yes, I want to make money so I can live comfortably. Yes, I want to be able to afford my own home at some point, and yes, I want to be able to go on nice holidays. But why am I aiming to reach a position in a company whose workload requires me to stay late, every night, encroaching into my time with the family I hope to have.

I sit at my desk today and make chit chat with the people I work with. They all seem to be really nice, genuinely friendly, but hardly any past me without complaining about being here.

I'm not saying be a bum. Please do go out to work, make that money, and enjoy yourself. I hold high regard for those who know what they want and are on the path to getting it. And I completely understand those who are still looking but are happy to work away until something sticks. Rent and bills have to be paid.

Just don't be taken for a fool.