Seven days (Day 2)

I'm dreaming. It's a nice dream, at least I think it is. I feel relaxed and… happy. However there's a pressure in my body which forces me awake.

I notice that the hall way light is still on, it means my housemate is still up. I get up and go to the toilet, purposefully not turning the light on so I don't wake up fully. Back in bed I can't get comfortable…

It's 5.45 when a screaming child rips me from my slumber WTF? See you your mini person! He shuts up about 15 minutes later and I slip back into slumber reasonably easy.

My alarm goes off as I hear my housemate go into the bathroom, I press snooze. I get up and have a wash, I showered late last night and I've not done anything to get remarkably dirty in the last 8 hours.

Again no breakfast but my bag is packed for the gym again and I've got my lunch. I'm catching the bus to work today. I plan to get off early and head to the supermarket. I'm picking up some cereal so I can have breakfast at work. I'm not prepared to wake up earlier to enjoy it at home.

The first half of my day passes unremarkably. I manage to secure a black Flapper dress on eBay for my sister but spend most of the morning emailing friends and uploading information to our online HR system. I have leftovers for lunch.

It's two pm and I'm listening to Arctic Monkeys. I plan to work through a NLP values exercise this afternoon, once I've had an 'informal' meeting about product training.

Oh god, what am I doing in life? Everyone around me appear to have a purpose for their day. My only purpose is to drink a minimum of 1.5 litres of water. I message friends to keep occupied and enjoy regular trips to the toilet - result of drinking so much water.

I read an article about why we fall out of love - interesting!
Our sub-conscious has a compelling drive to repair the damage done in childhood as a result of unmet needs. The way it does that is to find a partner who can give us what our caretakers failed to provide. It looks for someone who carries all the positive AND negative traits of our caretakers. Although we consciously look for only the positive traits our sub conscious selects the negative as well seeking to heal those traits.
But it's too deep to continue.

I get an email to tell me that my new watch has arrived at it's pick-up point. I'm excited, though I know I've spent far too much money since I got dumped - I like using that word, it makes me angry and anger is a hell of a lot more motivational than sadness. I've made my last luxury purchase for the rest of the month.

I want to eat because I'm bored but I have no snacks. I brought in an apple and plum from home, bought a yogurt and a banana on my way in, and the banana is for an hour before I workout. There are constantly snacks being offered in my office but I refuse to give in.

I stare at the NLP exercise questions. The first exercise is about values. You have to think about the last time you experienced an uncomfortable tug as if you were being pulled away from the path you feel is right for you. Then write down what was or is important to you about that experience. I'm not in the mood to do this. I've also given in and eaten my banana.

I leave five minutes early, like yesterday so I can catch the bus to the gym... 40 minutes later I'm still on the bus no where near my destination. Major traffic! I walk home, attempting to grab some extra veg for dinner this evening - Tesco on Kingsland Road is rubbish! No broccoli? What is the world coming to?!

Dinner is jerk chicken, spring greens, carrots and sweet potato mash. I have a chat on the phone with my nan, eat, sit up and watch The Switch, with my housemate talking over most of it, until my eyelids are fighting me to close. I bid the housemate goodnight and head for my room. I've not heard anything from him but I shouldn't really expect to, still it makes me feel sad. It's eleven o'clock and I'm asleep.