One of those days

Already today most things are annoying me.

I'm too hot

My head itches (apparently it's where my scalp is exposed)

I can't sleep properly, because of all this hair, so I'm tired 

Every song that plays on my iTunes this morning is making me think of him

And, oh yeah I seem to have mislaid some of my salary this month *rolls eyes*

Luckily two things today make this all bearable:

1. I'm going to see my favourite auntie and my grandparents 
2. IT'S FRIDAY

I'm almost as excited about that last one as I would be if someone told me we'd be getting paid today!

I've also kind of found my outfit for my colleagues birthday party. I think I mentioned this before, it's a 90's themed fancy dress party and me, along with 4 others, are going as spice girls. Can you guess who I'm going to be?

Of course, Scary!

Now had this party been a month ago, I'd already have the perfect hair for it but as it happens I'm going to need to locate a wig for the occasion. I'm sorry, what? eBay, I hear you say? Uh huh - purchased for £5. Hmm, now I'm starting to see where my money is going and it's all stuff that I'll only wear on occasion... but at least I'll look bloody fantastic.

Happy Friday everybody!

The Greater The Love

Oh my goodness.

This house-sharing malarkey can be BRUTAL. I can see how I got so upset when I was looking before. Every rejection is like having toothpicks stabbed into your bruised heart - I'm over-exaggerating here a little.

In the last week I've sent off countless emails to people with a cosy double room and a LIVING ROOM, you'd be surprised how many properties no longer have a comfortable social area so the landlords can benefit from another rental income - mini rant.

I've been invited to 4 viewings... FOUR. I'm potentially seeing a place tonight and tomorrow but neither party have actually confirmed, which rattles my cage already.

I feel ready to move on now - come on universe, help me out a little please.

We've just sorted out all bills and stuff so there's no longer any need for us to be in touch, which saddens me a little. Two and a half years of learning about someone, being close to them, shared experiences, promises, future plans... it's a shame good things have to come to an end.

I've also just logged back onto Twitter as a way to further distract myself but it's SO easy to get carried away reading a lot of nonsense. I'm following a lot of 'interesting' facts, motivational quotes, fitness blurbs but for some reason today I've been drawn to the following:

Dagnamit

 Hmm

Wow, harsh but probably what I need to take notice of

Fact is, and this is what I fail to accept fully, it is over - there is NO going back. He wants the chance for us both to feel true love because what he was feeling was not enough. 

That's not an easy pill to swallow. In fact, it's so BIG a pill that I've had to karate chop it into a million pieces and each day I take a little piece and force it down. Eventually I'll get to the last piece and it won't be so bad, I won't feel so bad. 

Getting over someone is hard. 

No matter how many self-help quotes, books, articles you read or advice you take, the pain will cease in it's own sweet time. All you can do is distract yourself with lots of good stuff in the meantime. 

• Learn something new
• Treat yourself - to as much as you want because there is no guilt during this time. Get your hair done, get a massage or two, freshen up your wardrobe! NO GUILT. But if after you're over it you do start to feel guilty, meh, you can always sell your new stuff on eBay :) 
• DON'T drink too much or do an excessive amount of drugs, the comedown will make it worse - I learnt this the hard way during my first break-up
• Set yourself a goal - something fun or challenging, anything as long as you'll feel a sense of achievement from it
• When you're ready, get out there and start dating. Okay so you might not be ready to start something new but the getting ready for the date and going out with someone you're attracted to will boost your spirits. 

As you can tell from my blog posts over the last 2 months, I'm far from over him - in my eyes he's still the owner of my heart BUT I've stopped crying. 

We're in contact, very rarely and usually about practical things, and yeah it gets me down for a while but I just do something that I know will cheer me up and before I know it I'm back on the up'n'up. 

"The time between thoughts of them will grow longer,

And the urge to cry about what has happened will lessen.

The desire to get back out there will get stronger,

Regardless of when, it will never diminish what you felt for them." 

Amy Gentles-McKie

Seven days (Day 2)

I'm dreaming. It's a nice dream, at least I think it is. I feel relaxed and… happy. However there's a pressure in my body which forces me awake.

I notice that the hall way light is still on, it means my housemate is still up. I get up and go to the toilet, purposefully not turning the light on so I don't wake up fully. Back in bed I can't get comfortable…

It's 5.45 when a screaming child rips me from my slumber WTF? See you your mini person! He shuts up about 15 minutes later and I slip back into slumber reasonably easy.

My alarm goes off as I hear my housemate go into the bathroom, I press snooze. I get up and have a wash, I showered late last night and I've not done anything to get remarkably dirty in the last 8 hours.

Again no breakfast but my bag is packed for the gym again and I've got my lunch. I'm catching the bus to work today. I plan to get off early and head to the supermarket. I'm picking up some cereal so I can have breakfast at work. I'm not prepared to wake up earlier to enjoy it at home.

The first half of my day passes unremarkably. I manage to secure a black Flapper dress on eBay for my sister but spend most of the morning emailing friends and uploading information to our online HR system. I have leftovers for lunch.

It's two pm and I'm listening to Arctic Monkeys. I plan to work through a NLP values exercise this afternoon, once I've had an 'informal' meeting about product training.

Oh god, what am I doing in life? Everyone around me appear to have a purpose for their day. My only purpose is to drink a minimum of 1.5 litres of water. I message friends to keep occupied and enjoy regular trips to the toilet - result of drinking so much water.

I read an article about why we fall out of love - interesting!
Our sub-conscious has a compelling drive to repair the damage done in childhood as a result of unmet needs. The way it does that is to find a partner who can give us what our caretakers failed to provide. It looks for someone who carries all the positive AND negative traits of our caretakers. Although we consciously look for only the positive traits our sub conscious selects the negative as well seeking to heal those traits.
But it's too deep to continue.

I get an email to tell me that my new watch has arrived at it's pick-up point. I'm excited, though I know I've spent far too much money since I got dumped - I like using that word, it makes me angry and anger is a hell of a lot more motivational than sadness. I've made my last luxury purchase for the rest of the month.

I want to eat because I'm bored but I have no snacks. I brought in an apple and plum from home, bought a yogurt and a banana on my way in, and the banana is for an hour before I workout. There are constantly snacks being offered in my office but I refuse to give in.

I stare at the NLP exercise questions. The first exercise is about values. You have to think about the last time you experienced an uncomfortable tug as if you were being pulled away from the path you feel is right for you. Then write down what was or is important to you about that experience. I'm not in the mood to do this. I've also given in and eaten my banana.

I leave five minutes early, like yesterday so I can catch the bus to the gym... 40 minutes later I'm still on the bus no where near my destination. Major traffic! I walk home, attempting to grab some extra veg for dinner this evening - Tesco on Kingsland Road is rubbish! No broccoli? What is the world coming to?!

Dinner is jerk chicken, spring greens, carrots and sweet potato mash. I have a chat on the phone with my nan, eat, sit up and watch The Switch, with my housemate talking over most of it, until my eyelids are fighting me to close. I bid the housemate goodnight and head for my room. I've not heard anything from him but I shouldn't really expect to, still it makes me feel sad. It's eleven o'clock and I'm asleep. 

Bidding wars

I've never really tried to use eBay before. I have sold a couple of items on there but that's about it, never bought anything. In the last 2 months I've had to throw away a couple of my favourite pairs of shoes - my beloved converse (black & grey).

I decided, the cheapskate that I am, to buy a used pair because then not only would I be spending less money but I won't have to go through the 'breaking them in' pain.

Had a look on eBay, added a few items into my 'wish basket' and started bidding.
"Ooh 99p, yes please".
Within 30 minutes, these bad boys have crept up to £7 and there's still a whole day left on the offer.

I got into work this morning at 9am, I don't start until half past, and the first thing I did was log into my eBay account. I really want these hi-tops and the other bidders are really starting to annoy me.

I type in a pound more than what they've offered and I'm still out-bidded. How can this be? How fast are these people bidding? We still have over 6 hours left, why are they so desperate?!

I type in £2 more than the current bid and it's accepted. But hey, my bid amount isn't showing, yet eBay is telling me I'm now the highest bidder. I'm confused… Hang on a darn minute… what's this maximum bid thingy?

O M Jizzle, so this is how it works.

With 40 minutes left to bid, I'm the highest bidder at £26.50, still less than half the price for a new pair but I'll admit I'm not going over the half way mark for a used pair of trainers. They may be in 'good nick' but I'll be damned if I buy a used ANYTHING for close to the price of something new.

But it has to be said, I'm thoroughly enjoying myself. And the best reward at the end of all this, even if I don't 'win' the trainers, I've not felt sad all afternoon :)

End of bid result: I got them! £31.00, steal of a price :D

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