Seven days (Day 4)

Ugh, I wake up drunk.

I literally roll out of bed, as late as I can, and into the shower. The water feels like a hammer to my body but the heat is at least waking me up. It's foggy out but the weather man has promised sunshine later so I'm wearing a summer dress. I slip on a pair of my new trainers, grab my overnight bag and head out the door throwing a "Morning, Goodbye" towards my housemate.

It's not cold out but I keep my cardi on as I walk to work. The state I'm in, I need the fresh air. I take the same route as yesterday and it takes exactly 45 minutes. That's not a bad walk if I can manage it at least 5-6 times a week, there or back.

The first thing I do before even speaking to anyone in the office is top up my litre water bottle. I'm going to need it today. I haven't got a headache but I feel tired and a little sick. Breakfast this morning was an apple and a banana yazoo. Breakfast of champions.

I have a meeting at ten am. I take my water with me. It lasts longer than expected but that's okay because it means most of the morning has gone. It's half twelve when I start thinking about lunch. My head just isn't in the game today.

Oomph - I need food. I've just hit that low.

So I bought a dress on Sunday and although it looked nice, it wasn't really ME. I walk to Angel's Chapel Market at lunch to exchange it for a lovely pink paisley one in the same style. I didn't bring lunch in today because, well I had a liquid dinner last night, so I opt for a burrito - regret it as soon as I take the last bite because I just want to sleep now.

The afternoon passes at a snails pace and I'm dreading Boxercise later. My colleague is telling me that I shouldn't really do any exercise because I'm dehydrated. If I don't go, I'll have skipped exercise for 3 days running. For the old Amy that would have been acceptable but not this version.

Finish my 2 ltrs of water, but I think I should try another. Still got an hour and a half to go till I can get out of here. I'm playing about with a spreadsheet in an attempt to tidy up one of our many processes and it makes me frustrated that this simple task hasn't already been done. Ooh, my fingers ache - interesting. Could I get away with a bowl of cereal?

I treat myself to a walk and buy some Sweet 'n' Salt popcorn, a small bag of almonds and one of those Naked smoothies from Sainsbury's. Arctic Monkeys have a new tune out so that's on repeat a few times as I wait for the day to come to a close. Starting to feel that sleepiness again.

I get a phone call from St. Mungo's. I'm going over to see them in a couple of weeks about being a volunteer. I might as well put my new found free time to good use.

Forty minutes left.

Today has been a pretty shocking day in terms of dragging it's butt! I think that's partly down to the fact that I've not got much to do at the moment and also the affect of the alcohol. I manage one more glass of water before I leave.

The journey to my mum's is hot and sticky but at least I get a seat. I have to be quick about it. I almost give it away because the other person going for it gives me a pleading look; any other day... I ignore the lool and make myself comfortable, well that is until a pregnant lady gets on and there's no hesitation. The bloke that was sitting next to me looks sheepish and so he should.

I won't have time to eat dinner so I'm snacking on the almonds for energy. I'm close to calling time on the Boxercise idea though, I feel so rough.

I get in and decide I'm not going, but mum and I go for a forty-five minute walk before having dinner. I'm tired and not looking forward to work tomorrow. It's nine twenty pm.

I shower before bed and end up ridiculously hot. I lie awake for a little while and start thinking about him. I'm upset I've not heard from him and with each day that passes, it's becoming more and more real - this is never going to change. 

I cry. It's ten past eleven pm.