Seven days (Day 5)

I didn't sleep well. Staying over at mums means me having to share a bed with her. She doesn't exactly snore but she's not a silent or still sleeper. 

I dress all in black because its going to rain today and I thought I'd mirror the bleak weather. But mum has a little Pomchi (Pomeranian/Chihuahua) and its hair gets everywhere! 

I grab a cup of tea, mum tells me to take a banana and an apple with me, and I head out to catch the bus. It's eight fifteen am. I feel exhausted. My eyes actually hurt I'm so tired. Today will be a long day.

My luck is looking up, I get the fast train (no stops between Harrow and Finchley Road) and I wangle a seat pretty much immediately. It's raining when I arrive at Farringdon but I've got my trusty umbrella. I work double quick so my new trainers don't get too wet. My bowl of cornflakes is calling to me. 

I'm a bit busy this morning. Lots of running around to make sure people are where they need to be. Not great when it's like a sauna in the office but I gotta do what I gotta do. It also means most of the morning has passed. 

The colleague I had lunch with the other day asked whether he has been in touch, seems her game playing has worked in her favour. I've just gone from being sad about the fact that I haven't heard from him to being positively motivated by my anger. Cold turkey it must be! 

He may have said that he can't control his feelings but I still have a right to be annoyed by his actions, so I'm going to use that to push me through this. Hmm, but they always say that nothing positive will come from being negative. 

I'm now searching for posts online about forgiveness and emotional well being. Honestly, all this being sad and confused is SO emotionally draining. So I'm reading this one: A Hug's Message to Tragedy: "Move On."

"To overcome hatred with forgiveness is to take control of your circumstances and perhaps put a spring back into your step, both mentally and physically."

What am I really trying to achieve? I know that if I stop all contact with him the only person I'm really hurting is myself. On a separate note, I just found a post on an early morning rave, right here in London. It's run by a group called Morning Glory. It starts a 6.30am - 10.30am. Unfortunately I've just missed one so will have to wait until the 25th but how awesomely cool would that be? 

I think I'm going to go for Salmon Teriyaki for lunch today. I've not had any fish since Monday. For now I'll make do with an apple and a glass of water. 

Back to work. Email here, email there. Send this document, print that document. Oh look, it's lunchtime. I change shoes. As it's still raining, I'll don my trainers for the walk to Wasabi and prey that lovely orange dress I saw on the market last week is no longer there to tempt me. 

So I was a good girl. I went to the supermarket for a meal deal which means two good things happened: 

1) I spent HALF the money

2) I avoided the "Market of my Financial DOOM" 

However, on my travels I came to a realisation - being single is far more expensive than being in a relationship. You have to go out more, therefore spending more money. I have more reason to save my money now than I did before *sigh* I had a roast chicken sandwich, an orange juice and a packet of hula hoops… I feel terrible now :( my tummy is not happy. 

It's two o'clock. Four hours to go. I am looking forward to bed time but before I even get there I've arranged a run with one of my besties (why?). 

Whoop, I've just confirmed some training that I've been working on for about a month! YES! 

I'm not sure why but I'm suddenly feeling more positive about things. I give in to the dark far too easily. Perhaps this is my new mission. I said this to, well someone this week, perhaps this big event is LIFE's way of telling me that I've become too complacent?! 

Honestly, since the moment he told me it was over, I've had to think about me, and only me. What do I like doing? What do I want to do more of? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be with… apart from him? In the last month or so, I've spent more time with my friends, more time with my family, made the most of my evenings and weekends, I've gotten into exercise - come on, we now that's big. Life has become more than rushing home to spend time with him. *lightbulb*

I have a meeting about sales training, which I know nothing about, but I know people need to have structure so that's what this meeting is about. Two members of the party don't show but I am adamant that we make headway on this so the meeting goes ahead. In all honesty, I think we've made a good effort. A staff meeting follows this and before I know it, I'm stuffing a banana into my mouth and setting my iPhone to play only feel good music to get me in the mood for this run. 

The journey over to Putney, where she lives, is painless and I make it in forty minutes. I quickly change and we're off. The sun is setting over the river as we make our way towards Hammersmith keeping a good pace. We run to the bridge and back, covering 6.99km (whoop) and we're feeling good. This is all in prep for that 12K I've talked about in a couple of previous posts. 

I don't stick around; I'm tired, though pumped, and I still have to travel across London to get home. I drop him a line to find out if we're still on for tomorrow - plans to go to a gig. He replies yes. I ask what time I should aim for.... That's where the conversation appears to end.

I walk into a quiet house, the housemate must already be in bed. I have a quick shower before I slip into something comfortable, namely my onesie, and settle down for a well deserved sleep. It's ten forty pm.