Raising Your Game

Self-discovery.

It sounds very wishy washy, doesn't it, and a lot of people believe that it is wasted time. Why spend time looking inwards? It means you're missing what's going on around you! And that's partly true. I suppose it very much depends on what you 'intend' to get out of your self discovery.

For me it started with finding myself again. When my last relationship ended I had 1,000,001 questions.

What had I done wrong?
What could I have done better?
Why wasn't I enough?
What will I do now?

And I felt very sorry for myself. I was obviously in need of improvement so I turned to the Internet and books.

How could I become a better person so that the person I loved wouldn't leave me? 

Now, you might read that and think I'm pathetic. I read that and think it's pathetic, but I don't think I am, well not any more at least. This journey I am on started with the right goal in mind but I was picturing the wrong person. The person that I didn't want to leave me was a guy, but over time, that person became me. And by better, I meant stronger. 

Have you ever found that when you're in a relationship, the things that used to be really important to you or that interested you and took up your time, they seem to just not be important any more? You don't see those friends, don't listen to that band, don't watch that show, don't play that sport or go to that gym class?

Your partner hasn't forced you to stop them, they just kind of fizzled out of your life. And regardless of whether your relationship ends or not, you just wake up one day and ask yourself "What did I used to do? What was I interested in?!"

Reconnecting with that you, that's self-discovery. Trying something new and finding out you're good at it or you hate it, that's self-discovery. Even being affected or NOT affected by something or someone after time has passed, that's self-discovery, because you're learning something about yourself.

Two and a half years ago I discovered that I liked training people.
A year and a half ago I accepted that I was quite good at it.
A year ago I decided that I wanted to get better at communicating so that I would be better at my job and that the people I trained would get more from the sessions I delivered.
Six months ago I pushed myself a little harder and discovered the power I held over my circumstances.
Three months ago I took a resourceful step towards the future I want.

The more I learn about myself and the capabilities I have and make use of the tools available to shape the world around me, the more flexible I become to meet my goals and 'be' successful.

Now that is definitely NOT wishy washy.

Growth Of Self: Workout/Life Balance

I have a sweet tooth. 

I like 2 sugars in my morning coffee. I'm a big fan of Cadbury's chocolate, which I am craving a lot at the moment. I'll chow down on any kind of crumble, or work my way through half a packet of ginger nut biscuits. 

I have daily battles with my cravings for these BAD things. Sometimes I win, and sometimes… lose is too kind a word for what actually happens. 

Things is, I KNOW that sugar, and carbs but that's another blog for another time, is the reason I cannot shift my muffin top! But cutting it out completely would make me a miserable arse. 

So what can I do? 

I turned to my friend, who over the last couple of years has became a fountain of workout and nutrition knowledge. We had a deep conversation about 'realistic' programmes geared toward weight loss or body fat reduction. 

She told me about an article she'd read on a simple "30 minute a day HIIT routine", which over the course of a few weeks (plus watching what you stuff your face with, of course) could see you meet your goals but also that it's SO easy, it's proven to be less of a quick win and more of a sustainable long-term workout regime. 

Now, I have a problem with this already. 

Of course I generally have 30 minutes to dedicate to some form of exercise BUT if that exercise requires me to be in specific workout gear or using particular apparatus, then 30 minutes EVERY DAY becomes less realistic to me. 

I've got friends/family to visit, weekend courses to attend, additional study and research to undertake, dinner/drinks to be had, gigs to go to, washing, cleaning and cooking to do, as well as my 9 - 6 day job. 

I'm lazy as it is, we've established this blogs and blogs ago, and 30 minutes is nothing really in the scheme of things but doing High Intensity Interval Training EVERY DAY? I don't think so. I don't want it that much. 

And that's really the question isn't it? How much DO you want it?!

I'm all about the quick wins but in this instance I'm going to slug it out and see if 3 decent cardio workouts, one that focuses on stretching and strength, more walking (now the sun's out) and good eating does the trick. 

Let's set the deadline for June 6th. 

Into The Darkness

From reading several articles on the matter, good visual design encourages learners to engage with e-learning content and positively affects the way in which learners absorb the key facts. 

How do I know that I am achieving this? 

Right now we're working on scripts for our training videos. We know what message we want to get across, but does that mean what we're saying is all relevant; are they real learning points?

The experts say: 

• Identify critical information and focus on that. 
• The most effective designs are clean and simple.
• Having one key element on the page will ensure learners remember it rather than getting distracted. 
• Make key elements larger or use contrasting colours.
• Design simple and intuitive navigation between sections with clear buttons and instruction so it is obvious what people have to do.
• Consistency gives the course a unified feel and pulls everything together.

It's all theory to me right now as I still do not have any completed content to work with, but the planning needs to happen now so we're ready to roll when we get it. Here's where I turn to t'internet for advice. 

There's only so much I can glean from these online resources. I want to be sure that I'm doing the right thing because ultimately I'm leading this project, I'm guiding others - the blind leading the blind, I fear. 

Tom Kuhlmann has a blog which shares 'practical tips & tricks to help you become a rapid learning pro'. Reading through it, I can't help but feel that you actually need to have a certain level of understanding of instructional design before you can really take these tips and run with them. 

I'm a novice; an enthusiastic novice but a novice nonetheless. I need a 'Dummy's Guide'; but let's see how it goes. 

"E-learning… The current adventure…

These are the voyages of AG-M.

Her continuing mission:

To explore emerging new learning trends…

To seek out new understandings; new ways to develop our species…

To boldly go where she's never gone before!" 

Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Six

So I signed up for a 10K run with some friends, as I wrote in Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Three, with an aim to complete in under an hour. 

I'd been training with #LazyGirlRunning since the beginning of January. I signed up because I needed something to motivate me to go running on a regular basis and it was nice to run with other people, even though I'm a complete social retard and tend to stick to myself. 

Over the weeks I noticed that I had more power, I was faster and my level of endurance was higher. So in the end, I smashed the time I was aiming for and completed in under 50 minutes! 

So proud. 

My calves were tight as hell and my left ankle, which has been acting up recently, behaved itself and saw me through. I'm taking a little break to recover but I'm already on the look out for another 10K that I can sign up to.  

On the day we all met up at the registration desk, dropped in our bags and picked up our t-shirts. There was a nice mix of girls and guys and friendly acknowledgement of the times we all wanted to aim for. 

By the first corner, we'd pretty much split up. The boys dashed off, the girls hung back, and I set off at my own pace watching my breathing and trying not to twist my ankles on the verges. 

They - whoever 'they' are - were right when they said running is a mental exercise. I really struggled around 8K; I felt absolutely exhausted and all I could think of was that a half marathon was over twice the distance I was running! Urgh. 

Still, I was stoked with my race time. A few of the guys had finished ahead of me so it was great to have them cheering me on at the finish line, and welcomed the pulled pork sandwich and beer I ordered in a local pub afterwards with great appreciation. 

#LazyGirlRunning starts up again in 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to pushing myself a little harder for better results :)      

Keep on running peeps! 

Thirty-two And A Spinster - Part Two

#LazyGirlRunning

Me to a T.

So at the beginning of the year, when I made a promise to myself that this was the year that I'd run a half marathon, I knew I needed help to get there. I signed up to a 10 week programme with Laura Fountain, who IS Lazy Girl Running, and hoped that not only would I make it to more than one session but that I'd notice a difference in how I ran.

After 4 weeks of attending these weekly sessions, and forcing myself to run home from work once or twice, I went along with a few of the girls from the programme to run a 10k across Wimbledon Common and Richmond Park. Apart from the icy cold temperatures, I absolutely loved it.

A few of us at work have signed up for a 10k next weekend in Regent's Park. I'd hoped it would be a real social affair but apart from a large number of us all doing the run, nothing 'tribey' has been organised. Not that I mind; I have a goal.

I want to complete this in under 60 minutes.

My average pace is between 5.35 - 5.59 so with the right conditions I could do this in between 54-56 minutes *fingers crossed*

There was a dip in my motivation at the beginning of the month but I'm back on it. I've got some gorgeous new running tights, my New Balance trainers (all 4 pairs of them) have seen better days but still a few more miles in them yet and I've got strength. That half marathon is within reach.

I'm hoping to join a local gym so that I can get back to doing weights. I have a decent level of strength to tackle hills but my legs tire after about 11k. with a quick walking break I'm usually fine but I'd like to be able complete the HM without stopping.

Dreams, dreams, dreams :) let's just complete next weeks run first!

 

Everything To Live For

I have 12 sleeps until I'll be jetting off to the beauty of Barbados. I booked my flights back in May and I have been holding on to my sanity ever since.

The last 14 months have been a roller-coaster of highs and depressing lows, confusing twists and turns. I feel like I deserve to treat myself to this, kind of like a little celebratory break for surviving.

Last night I started my packing. I've separated the 'holiday' wear from the 'everyday' wear so I could be clear on what I'm still missing.

Because the last 3 weeks have been a bit of a health nightmare, I've put on just under 3 kgs and it all sits on my stomach, the one place I'd worked so hard to trim down. Sods law really but I won't let it ruin my holiday.

I woke up motivated to go to the gym this evening but as usual that dread has set in. I shall go anyway. I just need to get back into the habit of exercise. I know I'll feel better for going, and will sleep like a log tonight.

I've been training for something on and off for the last year, exercise being the substitution for my lost relationship. Sad really, and yet it's probably the best thing I could have done.

It's better than going out and getting pissed, ending up in bed with a random and okay perhaps I don't enjoy it as much I probably would the getting pissed and ending up in bed with a random, but I've learnt a lot about myself in those hours spent at the gym...

• I'm actually a decent runner when I can empty my mind
• I can achieve most things I put my mind too
• I enjoy the short lived sense of achievement
• It's a great way to spend 30-45 minutes on myself

I'm sure I can lose half of that weight gain in 2 weeks if I'm just consistent and watch what I eat (she says as she finishes a mini Terry's Orange bar). So, as I check the clock... 55 minutes left of my work day... I guess I'll see you on the flip side - or the gym's changing room. Got a beach body to regain!

Ready For The Road

Do you ever say you'll do something with someone and then find yourself regretting it?

I'm asking myself this question right now as I stare at the costume I'm supposed to be wearing to the Notting Hill Carnival on Monday.

I'm not in the best shape and yet I have signed up to an event where I'm expected to wear next to nothing and I only have myself to blame.

I got home and unpacked the lime green back pack I've paid for... 

Short ass shorts - CHECK

Unflattering boob tube - CHECK

Respectable over top with jewels - CHECK 

Condom - CHECK, wait what? A condom?! WTF are they expecting me to get up to on the streets of Ladbroke Grove? 

The worst thing? I have always thought I had a decent butt. However these shorts have shown me the error of my ways. I must get it from my mum ;) 

So if you're hitting the carnival this weekend, look out for the flat-arsed blue vision with tons of drunken courage! 

Sneaky peek ... 

Pass the **** out

So guys, day one didn't go according to plan, but when does anything.

I was away this weekend visiting the ailing grandparents and had packed some running gear but because it was raining heavily both days, I didn't make it out.

Monday, back at work, I had the brainwave that I'd do this 21 day workout thingy I wrote about in my last post. However, because I wasn't expecting to go to the gym when I packed for the weekend, I forgot 2 vital things... my padlock and more importantly, my membership card. They wanted to charge me £20 for guest pass - safe to say, I went home.

Anyway, yesterday (initially day two) I came prepared.

Day One's workout was pretty much interval running for 52 minutes. There are 3 levels to try over the 3 weeks you follow the regime. I can run comfortably at the suggested level 2 speeds already so I decided to start with those. the plan was to then do Day Two afterwards.

I did the run. 5 miles later and I'm seriously sweaty and ready to collapse.

Usually I'd be happy to go home at this point but I drag myself over to the weights area and grab two of the 6kg dumbbells. I push out 4 sets of 15 bench press, alternating with 4 sets of 8 split squats on each leg.

The burn at this point is making me feel a bit sick, but that's only 2 of the suggested 7 exercises in the programme.

Because there are no mats around for push-ups, some of the men at the gym stand in this area barefoot - euw, I continue with the bench press but upping my weight to 8kg and reducing the number of reps to 10 (this must sounds so boring to those of you who are just not interested in this kind of thing - trust me, I used to be one of those people) alternating the heavier sets with dumbbell deadlifts.

I'm supposed to do ab work... that's all I have to say on that.

My quads feel like they are on fire and my hips are really sore. In the shower I stretch; before bed I do a few moves to open up my hip region and then I pass the **** out.

I'm out at gigs for the next two nights and have plans for Friday so am unable to continue with my workout. I should have just started this at the weekend - HINDSIGHT

21 Days to Tone and Sculpt

Gearing up to Summer, magazines and online sites are full of regimes that promise you a body worthy of walking through the busy streets of London / New York / {Insert City Name Here} in just a bikini & heels.

I have friends readying themselves for holidays abroad, big birthday events, weddings, etc and all they are talking about is 'slimming down', 'toning up' or 'detoxing', and that's pretty much ALL I'll be hearing or talking about for the next few months; until the nights begin to grow colder and we start to cover ourselves up again.

I have exactly 3 months to improve my fitness levels for Tough Mudder and though at the start of the year I was making good on this, my fitness routine has left me feeling rather stale of late; that and the boozy, take-away laden bank holiday weekends.

I'm not consistent enough and I LOVE my carbs - simple & complex. Fact is, I'm eating too much and working out (weight-training) too little.

So I'm setting myself a mini 21 day work-out experiment/challenge.

It's made up of both cardio and weight-training exercises, 6 days a week with one day off to rest. Day one starts today with some interval running and light stretching.

It's a fad regime, I'm aware of this. It's also not something that you can realistically maintain, but like I said, it's an experiment. I want to see if it actually works, and more importantly, if I can push myself to do it - EXACTLY as it states, no slacking.

Less alcohol - No crap - No more excuses!

More water - More vegetables - More effort!

After I've successfully completed this 'quick fix', I need to bump up the 'warrior' workouts at the gym from 0 to 2, and run 10k twice a week because I'll have just under 12 weeks until I have to prove myself.

AND I WILL NOT DIE ON THAT COURSE!

"Just keep swimming"

Sometimes to get what you want you have to do things you really don't enjoy.

Exercise is a bloody pain. Well, that's not strictly true, exercises that make a damn DIFFERENCE are a pain.

They're hard work, they're definitely NOT a quick fix solution and they can be uncomfortable... but to grit your teeth, do them anyway and start to see changes to your body? Without a doubt, one of the best feelings EVER! Even when your favourite jeans are too tight; not because you've put on weight, but because you've put on muscle.

A week before my birthday I told myself that just because my skinny arse housemates continue to keep the cupboards stacked with biscuits, popcorn and chocolate goodies, it doesn't mean I have to eat them. Clearly our bodies process those food differently. They don't get fat, but I do. C'est la vie.

So I stuffed my last oreo into my mouth, shed a tear and vowed to make more of a conscious effort to eat cleaner. Where their breakfast is a bowl of cereal or fruit and a yoghurt, mine will be eggs and wholemeal toast; their dinners consist usually of beans on toast or a bowl of popcorn followed by a chicken pie, I will roast a decent portion of chicken accompanied by sweet potatoes and leafy greens.

I don't care HOW badly I want to have that streamlined look, I'm terrified by the notion that if you do not feed you body enough it starts storing fat for pure survival, so I eat.

My muscles may develop quick enough but I put on fat just as easily. Apparently that means I have a endomorph body type. I actually sit between two types, endo and meso, but I think I fall mainly under the former. That means I need to do some serious cardio and frequent muscle building/strengthening.  

I have to confess that I have noticed that, even in two weeks, by reducing my simple carb and alcohol (sugar) intake, my body has started to accept change more easily. That and I've run 15km in the last 4 days.

I shall miss my Friday night glasses of wine after work but I want this more. And if I plan in a night or two of ultimate debauchery per month, so not completely cutting myself off, I'm sure I can maintain this new regime. The more results I see, the easier it will be to convince myself I'm not giving up anything but rather giving myself the best treat of all - achieving my goals!

Shouting for no reason

Why can I still hear you?
My headphones are in,
My music is at full volume.

That poor bloke looks miserable.
More accurately, embarrassed.
Is this what you think motivates?

You stand over others, whilst he struggles,
Laughing and joking.
An arrogant look on your face,
Chest high and shoulders back.

You should be educating people, not bullying them
You are one of the reasons we shy away, make excuses

You have a responsibility to guide
I don't think abuse is part of your job description
Stop making it a frightening experience
Make it enlightening, thought-provoking,
If you're as good as you think you are, enjoyable

Instead of VPT (very personal trainer) on your back,
You should have C**T
No acronym necessary

Do you have self-discipline?

My friend sent over a link to me this morning titled:

No Excuse! The Power of Self Discipline

So far I've only managed to listen to the first 18 minutes of it. Not because it's heavy going, it's just not something you can listen to whilst trying to think, plan or note down others things; it's something you should really pay attention to.

However, even above the hubbub of my normal working day I heard something important, something that made me stop what I was doing and listen properly. It was this quote:

"Self discipline is the ability to do what you should do, when you should do it, whether you like it or not."

Whether you LIKE it or NOT. 

Now, that's where my ears pricked up. That has made me sit at my desk and reflect on all the things that I do because I'm too lazy to put in the hard work. 

My career. So I've never known what I've wanted to do in life, but if I had put in the HARD WORK who knows where I'd be now. 

My fitness. My ex was a PT. He would talk for ages about the things he'd read or learnt, tried to show/guide me a few times, he thought I was good enough to be a Zumba instructor and so paid for me to get my certificate. Though I found it all interesting, the healthy eating, meal planning, weight lifting, responsibility... it all seemed like such HARD WORK. So, two years on, I'm at square one instead of square 50 or something. 

My finances. I've been very open about my weakness for spending. I like pretty things, what can I say? I want those gorgeous Irregular Choice shoes, I want that nice fake fur coat, I want those trainers, that tattoo, to go to that gig... etc. Saving means I miss out on those things. Saving means I'm at home because I cannot 'afford' to go for drinks AND put money away this month. Saving sounds boring. It's all just too much HARD WORK. 

18 minutes was all it took for me to start thinking perhaps taking the 'path of least resistance' isn't all it's cracked up to be. 

Watch this space people! 

OMG am I freaking mental?!

It's official. I have now been signed up to do Tough Mudder.

Why oh why do I convince myself that these events are fun? Luckily I've got until August to train for it but seriously?!

We've put together a team of 11. Three are general fitness freaks, one is in training for a marathon, one has already completed a marathon, three more whom are in pretty decent shape already and then there's the girls ha ha ha. What are we thinking?

Still, it's great to have something to work towards. The videos available on their site and on youtube give us an idea of the type of fitness level we need to reach in order to, at the very least, survive. It's doable...

There's already talk of group training sessions when it starts to get lighter and gym techniques that could help us prepare - 7 months to go!

Is it weird that I'm kind of excited?

YEAH!

Reaching New Heights

Rock-climbing - HELL YEAH! Albeit it was indoors but still awesome.

I arrived at Mile End Climbing Wall not really knowing what in the world I was about to get myself in to. In line with my New Years Resolution, a friend and I rocked up - did you see what I did there ha ha, ahem - in our sports gear in good time to complete our medical waivers and change into our "too small for your feet" climbing shoes.

We met up with the other people in our group, two friends Lindsay and Emma, and a couple on their first date, Roshan and Asha. Our instructor, Phil, was a nerdy looking fella with a friendly and inviting humorous approach to teaching us the ropes.

Our first challenge was to make our way around the walls of the small introduction room without falling off, including the spread eagle stretch across the open door. At first I was bothered about scuffing or breaking my nails but after 5 minutes I was bouncing around like a kid every time I managed to complete a task correctly.

We moved on to ropes and were introduced to the frontal wedgie - ooouch. The harness needs to be tight enough around your waist that you can still breath, just, and your leg straps are just a bulky version of spanx to your arse cheeks.

Climbing to the top of that wall gave me SUCH a sense of achievement but when I touched the roof of the centre and looked down to ask if I could be let down, my heart jumped into my throat, my palms started getting sweaty and I felt the blood drain from my face. I was excited and shaking with silent joy but the experience is still nerve-wracking.

All in all I give the evening a BIG thumbs up. We're planning on signing up to their beginners course, where you learn all about how to tie the knots in the ropes and the control. Now that we've completed the tasters session we can go bouldering any time we want.

If you've never been, get on it!

Attack of the DOMS

OUCH!

Yesterday wasn't that bad. Yes my quads were aching a little bit but NOTHING like today. Walking downstairs makes me want to cry and don't get me started on how they feel after I've been seated for a while.

 

To get technical - my rectus femoris ache a lot, but both vastus lateralis… O.M.G unreal kind of pain.

And yet I love it because it's not bad pain, it's just my body's way of telling me "Hey b*tch, I'm shocked. You've shocked me!" And so it should be! I worked out like a beast on Wednesday night and I plan to continue. It's time to shake things up a bit.

I'm a cardio/classes kinda girl, so doing weighted squats - squats at ALL - deadlifts, lunges and those bloody mountain climbers, my body has no idea what has happened. But it better get used to it because this is my new workout routine.

I'm still going to run because I've got a 10K run in July to train for and I want a PB (personal best) but I want to start seeing definition of these strong muscles of mine. I want, come Summer, people to see the results of my time spent at the gym and think 'Oh yeah, you can see she works out.'

HELL YEAH I DO - Grrrrrrrr

Having trouble sleeping…

I go to bed at a reasonable hour, I lie awake for - god knows how long because I don't want to check my phone - I listen to the sounds of traffic coming from the road below me, and I wait. I've invested in an eye mask to keep the light out, I've stopped drinking caffeinated tea after 6pm and I've not had a drop of alcohol for 3 days.

Three weeks of high fat, high sugar indulgence is showing it's ugly head, and messing with mine. So I have to be careful with what I eat until my sleeping habits return to normal because not only does sleep deprivation literally mess with your mind but it seriously screws with your appetite as well.

When deprived of sleep, the body produces more ghrelin, a ”hunger hormone”, that increases your desire to eat… and eat… and eat.

Simply by getting enough sleep your body will better regulate those hunger cues all on its own, which will make it easier for you to moderate your consumption of any tasty, but pesky, leftover holiday treats that have managed to sneak their way into your office.

Moral of the story… Sleep more, snack less. Sleep more, weigh less.

Amen!

Getting stuck in

It's that time of year when pretty much ALL motivation for fitness, bar making sure you can fit into that LBD, goes flat - as flat as you wished your stomach would be but isn't because… it's that time of year!

I feel horrible but it's as if I cannot stop. The intention is there, I want to be fitter, trimmer, stronger, but I just keep on giving into the laziness.

I've touched on this a few times over the last 3 months, it's a reoccurring theme for me but I'd really love to know:

How do you keep the motivation to exercise? 

It's never too late to make a start but I do feel it's pointless in December. However, I'm not going to let THAT let me off the hook so I WILL go to the gym this evening. I WILL run 5k, I WILL use the ab machine and then I'll go home, eat eggs, epilate my legs and go to bed early again.

I've ripped the following of off Fitwatch in the hope that:
a) I'll remember I wrote this and make use of the tips
b) You find this interesting and can make use of the tips

So here goes…

1) Find A Role Model  
Who has that “perfect” body that you would love to have?

Many women tape up pictures of someone they aspire to be like, as it's a great way to keep your goals fresh in your mind, and to remind you what you’re striving towards.

Make sure that you choose someone deserving of your admiration – not someone who has an impossible to achieve image.

2) Set Small Goals
If you have set the bar too high by setting goals that are too tough to reach, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.

Just set smaller, easy to achieve goals and work your way towards the bigger goals. Start with something simple like, “I will work out three times this week.”

3) Reward Yourself 
Setting goals is a great way to get yourself going in an exercise program, but if you have a hard time keeping yourself going, don’t be afraid to offer yourself rewards for any small achievements.

Just remember that if you’re working out to lose weight, don’t reward yourself with food!

4) Get A Buddy 
Having someone to work out with makes it much more fun, and will keep you more motivated to exercise. Having a buddy makes it much harder for you to skip your workout, because they will be there to hold you accountable.

If you can’t find a buddy to work out with, hire a personal trainer to give you that extra push.

5) Make It Fun 
Exercise doesn’t have to be boring or repetitive. If you don’t like your exercise routine, change it and make it more exciting.

If your exercise routine is fun, you will end up looking forward to exercise, instead of dreading it.

6) Mix It Up 
Anything you do over and over every day is going to get boring, no matter how motivated you are to succeed. Find several different exercises you enjoy, and alternate.

Whenever you find yourself getting bored with a workout, replace it with something else you enjoy, and go back to it again when you’re ready.

7) Don’t Take It Too Seriously
If you start treating exercise like hard work, that’s exactly what it will become. Don’t let yourself get a bad attitude towards exercising, or you will be more likely to give up.

Staying motivated isn’t hard if you approach your exercise program with an open mind. Be flexible and let yourself have fun.

I go to a GYMBOX gym franchise and it's full of people who already look like they workout every day, eat uber healthily (tofu, sushi and whatnot) and never drink. I'd love to get involved in a class but I'm worried that I'll look like a fool as I've never done it before. Everyone else look like professionals!

So… how does one get over ones self? To be continued…

A Random One

This post will be a bit of a mix about everything.

Firstly,  THIS weekend will see me trudging through muddy waters on a 12k trail of up-hill runs and obstacles with my very close friend, Mojo. I'm weirdly excited but more than a bit anxious. Look at this crap!

What was I thinking?! Mojo is bringing a waterproof camera so we're hoping that we can get a few snaps during the course - you know, something to show the grandkids.

I've not run properly in over a week but I did manage a 3k jog into work with my heavy rucksack on Wednesday morning. I was very disappointed in my performance given the distance but trust me, that bag was fricking heavy! Trust me to decide to wear biker boots and wash my hair on the one day I attempt the jog.

I went to karaoke on Wednesday - yes the same day I jogged in, washed my hair at work and broke my back carrying my life in a bag - with a group of girls from work and some of their friends. I'm always terrified that I'll make a fool of myself by singing out of tune and ruining a perfectly good song but it was SO evident that no-one really cares!

This has been a big trend in my life over the last few weeks. We push far too much importance of ourselves on others; worried about what everyone else thinks of us, when really they're all worried about the same thing - what we think of THEM. I hate to do this but #GetOverYourself

I put in an earlier post that I'll most likely decide to move house, well I plan to do so when my 3 month tenancy runs out. Everything happens for a reason and I think that I needed to move out when I did to start this recovery, otherwise if I'd waited till I found or figured out exactly what I wanted, I'd still be thinking/hoping he'd change his mind instead of feeling more like my normal self - I know I've had a few blips but overall I'm doing pretty darn good.

So I'm back on Spareroom and Gumtree looking for a new home. There's no pressure this time so I can find somewhere I actually see myself being long-term.

Final thought - my colleague and I have just decided that we're going as vampire Bananas in Pyjama's for our Halloween day at work! SO excited.

Signing off - Happy Friday Biatches :) x

Seven days (Day 6)

I wake up, exhausted. There's light shining through my curtains but it sounds like its raining. I was planning on going out for a run. I don't want to go anywhere in this weather but I have a schedule to keep. 

So he did message me after all. I read it once my eyes have adjusted to the world again. Why am I so tired? 

Even though its raining, I'm trying to think of ways I could go without getting too wet, or more to the point, without getting my new trainers and iPhone wet. 

I tidy my room as I wait for my housemate to get out of the bathroom. Once he is, I'm in and out like a shot, gym gear on and old trainers for the walk. It's not that warm out and there's a breeze that chills you to the core. 

I manage 5 miles on a random programme but I walk the last fifteen minutes and feel like a bit of a failure. I walk home, looking forward to my shower. The house is empty so I put on the radio, letting it play whilst I'm washing my hair. I put on a load of washing and paint my toenails as I wait for it to finish. 

I'm not going to make it to Camden and back in time for my wax appointment so I take the time to epilate my legs, paint my finger nails and relax. I'm not meeting him till five pm now anyway. 

I wear my new paisley dress with my blue converse (the ones I won in Bidding Wars) throwing a denim jacket over my shoulders as it's breezy out. The wax is painful and I end up with a lot less than I expected - can anyone say Hollywood?! A misunderstanding which I pay for in more ways than one. 

I'm waiting around forever because he's pushed the meeting time back half an hour and it's now that I realise I haven't eaten anything. I grab a portion of chips and walk around Brick Lane for a bit. It's getting cold so I decide to head towards the flat anyway, I still know the code to get in the building an if I need to I'll wait in the hallway for him. But as I near the block of flats he texts me that he's home.

Here we go...

We're drinking beer as he eats and already I want him. I'm sitting in the front room watching TV whilst he's in the shower. Now I need a wee. My left foot is aching, probably from all the exercise and running I'm doing now that I never did before. Shock to the body, I guess. He kindly performs some MAT on my foot and ankle, which makes a massive difference in the tightness I am feeling. Now the right needs some work :)

Turns out he's got the wrong date and the gig's in a month's time. I'm thinking I should go home but I don't, I stay because I miss him and this is an opportunity to not be alone. BUT, to get through tonight I've got to stop thinking about him as my ex and see him as my friend; we're just going out for drinks. It's hard.

Even as we're walking down the street towards a bar, I'm aware of the distance between us. We stop at traffic lights, waiting for them to change and we're literally people apart. A stranger looks at me and then him and I feel as though he knows... this is not an awkward first date, it's an awkward break-up get together.

When we get to the entrance of the bar, we're actually pretty hungry again. There's plenty of places to chose from but we end up in The Diner. It's here I let my guard slip. He lets on that he's been too busy this week to think about things - I don't say this but my mind is screaming:

I NEVER STOP THINKING ABOUT THINGS

Here's where we differ. Here's where I should pick up my big girl panties and move on, never to look back, but here's where the wounds of my heart start to weep because he's getting on just fine without me.

Dinner ends on a bum note but we walk back to the bar anyway. He asks me if I actually want to go in as we're waiting in the queue outside, and I'm torn between running home to cry or taking my friend's advice: Go out and have a fabulous time. It might be your last. 

We go in, have a couple of nice drinks, check out the dancefloor, have a laugh about him thinking a song was called "Niggas in France" when it was called "Better than Prince" and he puts his arm around me... it's a friendly gesture, it's a friendly gesture, it's a friendly gesture.

Drinks run low, the music isn't great, the night has come to an end.

He walks me to the nearest bus stop and waits with me for the bus to arrive. We hug goodbye. I don't want to cry, I just don't want to go. He's not the bad guy, he's just had a change of heart, which can't be helped.

I get back to an empty house again, which is fine because all I'm going to do is curl up and go to sleep. It's eleven thirty-four pm and I wish I was climbing into bed next to someone who loves me... one day I hope.

Seven days (Day 5)

I didn't sleep well. Staying over at mums means me having to share a bed with her. She doesn't exactly snore but she's not a silent or still sleeper. 

I dress all in black because its going to rain today and I thought I'd mirror the bleak weather. But mum has a little Pomchi (Pomeranian/Chihuahua) and its hair gets everywhere! 

I grab a cup of tea, mum tells me to take a banana and an apple with me, and I head out to catch the bus. It's eight fifteen am. I feel exhausted. My eyes actually hurt I'm so tired. Today will be a long day.

My luck is looking up, I get the fast train (no stops between Harrow and Finchley Road) and I wangle a seat pretty much immediately. It's raining when I arrive at Farringdon but I've got my trusty umbrella. I work double quick so my new trainers don't get too wet. My bowl of cornflakes is calling to me. 

I'm a bit busy this morning. Lots of running around to make sure people are where they need to be. Not great when it's like a sauna in the office but I gotta do what I gotta do. It also means most of the morning has passed. 

The colleague I had lunch with the other day asked whether he has been in touch, seems her game playing has worked in her favour. I've just gone from being sad about the fact that I haven't heard from him to being positively motivated by my anger. Cold turkey it must be! 

He may have said that he can't control his feelings but I still have a right to be annoyed by his actions, so I'm going to use that to push me through this. Hmm, but they always say that nothing positive will come from being negative. 

I'm now searching for posts online about forgiveness and emotional well being. Honestly, all this being sad and confused is SO emotionally draining. So I'm reading this one: A Hug's Message to Tragedy: "Move On."

"To overcome hatred with forgiveness is to take control of your circumstances and perhaps put a spring back into your step, both mentally and physically."

What am I really trying to achieve? I know that if I stop all contact with him the only person I'm really hurting is myself. On a separate note, I just found a post on an early morning rave, right here in London. It's run by a group called Morning Glory. It starts a 6.30am - 10.30am. Unfortunately I've just missed one so will have to wait until the 25th but how awesomely cool would that be? 

I think I'm going to go for Salmon Teriyaki for lunch today. I've not had any fish since Monday. For now I'll make do with an apple and a glass of water. 

Back to work. Email here, email there. Send this document, print that document. Oh look, it's lunchtime. I change shoes. As it's still raining, I'll don my trainers for the walk to Wasabi and prey that lovely orange dress I saw on the market last week is no longer there to tempt me. 

So I was a good girl. I went to the supermarket for a meal deal which means two good things happened: 

1) I spent HALF the money

2) I avoided the "Market of my Financial DOOM" 

However, on my travels I came to a realisation - being single is far more expensive than being in a relationship. You have to go out more, therefore spending more money. I have more reason to save my money now than I did before *sigh* I had a roast chicken sandwich, an orange juice and a packet of hula hoops… I feel terrible now :( my tummy is not happy. 

It's two o'clock. Four hours to go. I am looking forward to bed time but before I even get there I've arranged a run with one of my besties (why?). 

Whoop, I've just confirmed some training that I've been working on for about a month! YES! 

I'm not sure why but I'm suddenly feeling more positive about things. I give in to the dark far too easily. Perhaps this is my new mission. I said this to, well someone this week, perhaps this big event is LIFE's way of telling me that I've become too complacent?! 

Honestly, since the moment he told me it was over, I've had to think about me, and only me. What do I like doing? What do I want to do more of? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be with… apart from him? In the last month or so, I've spent more time with my friends, more time with my family, made the most of my evenings and weekends, I've gotten into exercise - come on, we now that's big. Life has become more than rushing home to spend time with him. *lightbulb*

I have a meeting about sales training, which I know nothing about, but I know people need to have structure so that's what this meeting is about. Two members of the party don't show but I am adamant that we make headway on this so the meeting goes ahead. In all honesty, I think we've made a good effort. A staff meeting follows this and before I know it, I'm stuffing a banana into my mouth and setting my iPhone to play only feel good music to get me in the mood for this run. 

The journey over to Putney, where she lives, is painless and I make it in forty minutes. I quickly change and we're off. The sun is setting over the river as we make our way towards Hammersmith keeping a good pace. We run to the bridge and back, covering 6.99km (whoop) and we're feeling good. This is all in prep for that 12K I've talked about in a couple of previous posts. 

I don't stick around; I'm tired, though pumped, and I still have to travel across London to get home. I drop him a line to find out if we're still on for tomorrow - plans to go to a gig. He replies yes. I ask what time I should aim for.... That's where the conversation appears to end.

I walk into a quiet house, the housemate must already be in bed. I have a quick shower before I slip into something comfortable, namely my onesie, and settle down for a well deserved sleep. It's ten forty pm.