Hangover IV

Oh. My. God.

Wednesday Wine and Cheese night has broken me.

First off I don't really like cheese, apart from this one cheddar from Marks & Spenser, so I spent the evening eating this cheese on crackers and some fruit I brought with me, all washed down with wine.

Come 11pm I felt perfectly normal walking to the bus stop with my friend Caz in the warm evening air, but by the time I got home and fell into bed I was SMASHED.

I should have drank some water before falling asleep. I should have, but I didn't and BOY am I paying for it now.

I woke up this morning, knowing I had to wash my hair, and my head was throbbing. It's still throbbing.

I am too old for this shit AND Tough Mudder is in 2 weeks.

I'm gon' die :( sad times

A Year On: Youth

I remember when I could drink all night and manage a full day's work the next day. Now if I miss out on a couple of hours kip at night, I fall asleep on the bus home and miss my stop!

What happened to the the last decade of my life?

I went to a funeral on Friday. It was extremely emotional and if I'm honest, I felt like a bit of a fraud being there, crying. I haven't been in his life much the last few years and I just didn't feel I could justify my grief.

Anyway, that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing because I drove up with my little brother, whose actually not that little anymore as he's creeping into his mid-twenties, and we had a 5 hour trip there and back to catch-up.

He finished his degree about 2 years ago now and he's spent that time working in a pub. Forty-five minutes into our journey the big 'learn from my mistakes' sister made an appearance.

I guess I'm just concerned that he's wasting time not working in a field relevant to his degree ESPECIALLY when he wants a career in it. I wanted to communicate, from experience, that it sucks to get to 30 and still be nowhere closer to where you should be in life. I was just giving him a heads up.

And I'm fortunate to have such a diverse group of friends because one of them already works in the field so I've put them in touch on Facebook, hoping that he'll take action and get back on track.

He's not getting the pep talks from either of my parents, they take a more laissez-faire approach, so I thought I'd step in. Five years makes a hell of a difference if you use it wisely.

So bro, get on it while you still have the energy to do it. It all gets harder after 25 ;)

The Worst

There's something going on that I just cannot explain.

I'm scared to admit that I feel the familiar creepings of depression setting in.

I've lost all energy and motivation. In fact I have the strongest urge to run away and hide somewhere until I feel normal again.

I felt this particular instinct back in September when I couldn't see the wood from the trees after the break up. I feel overwhelmed and emotional, lost and helpless.

I'm sitting in front of my computer just staring at it, empty - well obviously right now I'm typing this so I guess it's not as empty as I'm making out but you get the picture.

I suddenly feel as though my life is over.

All around me people are moving on, moving up and I feel stuck in the same place just watching from the side lines. And the worst thing about it is I just don't know where I want to go. I have the power to change my situation and I just don't know what I want to change it to...

Family
Money
FEAR
Laziness
Time... Time...

Do you ever wish you could rewind 10 years and try it all again?

Thirty Plus Blues

Last year I got a card that said 'Good Old Flirty Thirties' but in reality, my thirties are anything but.

Over the last couple of days another year has been added to my life and I've taken a moment to review the last 12 months... what a palaver. I really need to stop talking about getting a grip on my life and actually DO IT.

It's time to stop living in my overdraft, dreading Mondays because I have to go to work, complaining about the state of my waistline, wishing a lottery win would solve all of my problems.

I've set myself a high goal of getting my butt to the gym four times this week and NO alcohol consumption. As much as I enjoy hearing all the funny things I said or did at our Friday night after work drinks at lunch on the following Monday, I don't enjoy how the hangover takes over my entire Saturday or that it slows down all progress I'm making on the fitness front.

My friend and PT set me a task last week of texting him my fitness goals for the week, all which I met. So Sunday night before bed, I text him my list for this week in an effort to feel accountable to someone. They were:
No added sugar (except fruit)
60 second plank every day
15 push ups every day
4 cardio workouts
2 weight sessions
Read 2 modules of my CBT course

So far I've not really delivered on any. I usually do the push-ups and plank at night before bed but last night, after a small slice of homemade carrot cake, I fell asleep reading my kindle. So I failed on the first 3 goals on my first day... I'm going to the gym tonight though and I will KICK some butt to make up for being lazy! Except I've agreed to meet an old friend on Thursday for a Krispy Kreme.... damn it!

Luna cycle, Gigs and all that good stuff

I've been quiet for the last couple of weeks. Soz. As I mentioned in my last post, things have just been a bit weird. I can't quite put my finger on it, everything has been a bit mental.

It started with an argument, and then my career hopes were lifted and promptly dashed.

A friend suggested my mood of late could have something to do with the luna cycle – apparently the two weeks from new moon to full moon tends to create a low energy environment.

Yesterday was the first morning I've woken and felt I've had enough energy and enthusiasm to do some exercise and funnily enough, yesterday was the arrival of the full moon.

But it's not ALL been bad, I've had the pleasure of attending a few really good gigs of late.

London Grammar played at The Troxy, Limehouse on 5th March. Some performances trumped the album version, making my arm hairs stand on end and sending chills running down my spine. The lead's vocals is so hauntingly beautiful that she makes you feel numb with passion, lust and lost and longing all at once. The three of them are so amazingly talented individually that together to form an all powerful unit of youthful wisdom via their music.

The gig that I have been counting down the days for and at the same time fretting it's arrival, Bombay Bicycle Club. I simply LOVE everything about these guys. The way their music can go from smoothing &, that word again, longing (Eyes Off You) to having me jumping out of my seat, screaming my head off because I know every word (What If) I am grateful there are artists out there who are able to transfer their talents easily from recorded album to stage, bringing with it more energy and variety. I'll be seeing them again before the year is out and that's a PROMISE.

Finally, Chvrches. A reasonably new act and it showed. I felt disappointed that given there not being much stage presence - light show was pretty - timing was off. Much of it not being the bands fault actually, so guys have a word with your production team. The sound wasn't brilliant but the lead's powerful lungs were able to push through the nonsense and managed to deliver great vocals. Overall though, I wouldn't rush to see them perform the same material twice, whereas I would with both LG and BBC.

I love music.

It's helped me through my break-up, through boring work days and perked up long journeys home on the night bus.

"Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, flows from heaven to the soul."

Tinderlious

Oh god I'm here again and I'll tell you what, it NEVER gets easier.

In fact I think I'm pickier than when I was younger, when all I was looking for was someone tall, cute and fun. Now I'm looking for something long-term, husband material, someone I could see myself growing old with - what a tall order?!

And how do you even go about it? Long gone are the days when I have the time, money or energy to go out every night and meet someone organically. Now it's all down to these fandangled phone apps - and the fact I used fandangled just proves how out of the dating scene I am.

Tinder... actually, when I was still with my ex he had a client who was working on a BETA app that we signed up to as testers. It was under a different name back then but it's generally the same thing.

Using your location, it offers you pictures of guys and girls that you can either 'like' or 'dislike'. If you like someone and they like you, you 'match' and you have the option for communication. Great. Simple enough...

Dislike
Dislike
Dislike
Dislike
It that really a penis? DISLIKE
OMG, really? Dislike

Hmm, maybe not as simple as I thought.

Am I rushing into this? No, it's nearly been 6 months; it's time to start the next stage. Can you do that if you haven't completely reached the finish line of the first? Shut up hope, shut up, we're doing this.

Ooh okay, cute. Like
Dislike
Dislike
Ha ha ha funny pictures. Like
Dislike
Dislike

Okay I'm bored now. I'll try again next month....

A little bit of Prosecco

Goes a long way :) 

I got home last night and the flat was freezing. Mel was already in bed so I switched on my leccy blanket and slipped into something more comfortable... my onesie! 

I slept like a baby. Woke up at about 10am and have pretty much say on my butt all day watching movies. 

Row got in about 3pm and we spent 3 hours drinking Prosecco, eating Hula Hoops and watching RuPaul's Drag Race :) It was a fun way to spend the afternoon. 

I then went to the cinema to see The Best Man's Holiday with a dear friend. There wasn't much time for a catch up but I'm glad I made the effort to get out of my PJs and meet up with her. 

I realise that I need to not take people for granted. You just never know when they're not going to be in your life anymore. And not just people, things... like your health! 

I've had an insane toothache all Christmas. It's affected my sleep, I've felt run down and my mood; and first thing Monday I'm registering with a dentist and doctor. And I want to get fit... I want to get healthy, so I've called on a friend to sort out a PT session.

The next year is going to be hard work but I'm going to make sure the fun doesn't stop.

Getting stuck in

It's that time of year when pretty much ALL motivation for fitness, bar making sure you can fit into that LBD, goes flat - as flat as you wished your stomach would be but isn't because… it's that time of year!

I feel horrible but it's as if I cannot stop. The intention is there, I want to be fitter, trimmer, stronger, but I just keep on giving into the laziness.

I've touched on this a few times over the last 3 months, it's a reoccurring theme for me but I'd really love to know:

How do you keep the motivation to exercise? 

It's never too late to make a start but I do feel it's pointless in December. However, I'm not going to let THAT let me off the hook so I WILL go to the gym this evening. I WILL run 5k, I WILL use the ab machine and then I'll go home, eat eggs, epilate my legs and go to bed early again.

I've ripped the following of off Fitwatch in the hope that:
a) I'll remember I wrote this and make use of the tips
b) You find this interesting and can make use of the tips

So here goes…

1) Find A Role Model  
Who has that “perfect” body that you would love to have?

Many women tape up pictures of someone they aspire to be like, as it's a great way to keep your goals fresh in your mind, and to remind you what you’re striving towards.

Make sure that you choose someone deserving of your admiration – not someone who has an impossible to achieve image.

2) Set Small Goals
If you have set the bar too high by setting goals that are too tough to reach, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed.

Just set smaller, easy to achieve goals and work your way towards the bigger goals. Start with something simple like, “I will work out three times this week.”

3) Reward Yourself 
Setting goals is a great way to get yourself going in an exercise program, but if you have a hard time keeping yourself going, don’t be afraid to offer yourself rewards for any small achievements.

Just remember that if you’re working out to lose weight, don’t reward yourself with food!

4) Get A Buddy 
Having someone to work out with makes it much more fun, and will keep you more motivated to exercise. Having a buddy makes it much harder for you to skip your workout, because they will be there to hold you accountable.

If you can’t find a buddy to work out with, hire a personal trainer to give you that extra push.

5) Make It Fun 
Exercise doesn’t have to be boring or repetitive. If you don’t like your exercise routine, change it and make it more exciting.

If your exercise routine is fun, you will end up looking forward to exercise, instead of dreading it.

6) Mix It Up 
Anything you do over and over every day is going to get boring, no matter how motivated you are to succeed. Find several different exercises you enjoy, and alternate.

Whenever you find yourself getting bored with a workout, replace it with something else you enjoy, and go back to it again when you’re ready.

7) Don’t Take It Too Seriously
If you start treating exercise like hard work, that’s exactly what it will become. Don’t let yourself get a bad attitude towards exercising, or you will be more likely to give up.

Staying motivated isn’t hard if you approach your exercise program with an open mind. Be flexible and let yourself have fun.

I go to a GYMBOX gym franchise and it's full of people who already look like they workout every day, eat uber healthily (tofu, sushi and whatnot) and never drink. I'd love to get involved in a class but I'm worried that I'll look like a fool as I've never done it before. Everyone else look like professionals!

So… how does one get over ones self? To be continued…

Gonna run till I don't jiggle

Due to this break-up I'm trying to do more things, have more experiences, to aid the 'I'm getting over you' process. I've signed up to a mucky 12k challenge and am dragging my friend along with me for the company. Why? I have NO fricking idea especially as I suffered for a whole WEEK after the Zest 10k challenge in June, the difference will be that this time I plan to train.

Last night I decided that instead of going to the gym, where it's hot, sticky and smelly, I'd try my hand at outdoor running. The sun was out and it was a nice temperature, so I headed to the park and did a couple of laps.

By the time I finished the first lap I felt like my feet were on fire along with my lungs! I pushed myself to do another lap, hoping that I'd have run for at least the required 20 minutes. When I came to a standstill I pulled out my phone out to check my time - 15 minutes!! I should have started up again and attempted another lap but my poor chest was rattling and my legs were shaking. DEFEATED. I just checked how far I ran… a disappointing 2.6 km. *sigh* Well I guess that's 20% of the challenge covered.

I'm following a 6 week programme I found on t'internet, which I plan to follow religiously, and in the meantime pay attention to what I'm putting in my gob too. Why not make the most of this 'experience'?

So I'm warning you now readers, the next 6 weeks you may find I'll be ranting about how much pain I'm in and how hungry or bored of protein I might be. The rate of swear words used will definitely increase but come 7th October I'll have accomplished my challenge!

(Seriously, what the hell am I doing?)

I feel reasonably okay today, a little tired maybe but no aching muscles or chesty cough. Plan to head to the gym (this time) tomorrow and meet my 25 minute target. It says 'easy run' but after yesterday's performance it can be no less that moderate. BOOM, let's do this!

Get back on that horse!

Not literally. I'm actually referring to... exercise *shudder*.

Considering I was quite athletic at school and have a PT as a boyfriend, I'm ridiculously lazy. Where I fall off is consistency. I do not go regularly enough.

I signed up to a pretty cool gym in April, Market Sports, which is literally 10 minutes walk from my flat but guess how many times I've gone? Three times. THREE! And they've got a cool chlorine free swimming pool and a steam room *rolls eyes at self*

I have an okay body, but like most women, I see room for improvement. I'd like to trim some fat from my waist, tone my arms and back and get rid of the orange peel effect that's trying really hard to work itself on to my thighs.

I'm not going to achieve any of that sitting at my desk or slumped on my sofa eating chunks of cheese - I actually do this, no joke.

So, how do you enthuse yourself to do something you do not want to do? Find something fun is often the best advise people have to offer.

I used to love Zumba, even obtained an instructor certificate, but stopped going when I joined a new company and couldn't make the classes any more. I'm not exactly sure why I didn't try to find another class - I guess that there is a major sign of my laziness.

Oooh I've just found one that is super close to my flat and it's running a class tomorrow night! Whoop.

Well, here goes..... Fit booty, here I come (I hope)

Getting back into the habit

For me that statement covers a variety of things – eating right, hitting the gym and reacquainting myself with an old flame, writing. I struggle with them all. Why? Basically I’m a part-time ambitious individual. 

I can work hard. I like the idea of it, but in reality I like nothing more than getting home from work, collapsing on the sofa; my only exercise being an arm stretch to reach the TV remote or a dash to the toilet during the ad breaks. Such a contrast from the boyfriend, a super buff personal trainer who eats a lot of protein, drinks his greens and believes cottage cheese is a treat - bleurgh. 

Why have I left it so long? I really have no clue. I’d occasionally get the urge but I wouldn’t be in the right situation to do anything about it there and then, it would get forgotten, time would pass, blah, blah, excuses, excuses. 

So now it’s May 2013. Summer is teasing its way back into our lives, my best friends have had babies, I am finally in a strong, loving relationship, living it up in Central London. 

I need to get my body ready for a fancy dress party in a month where I'm going as Neytiri from Avatar (what am I thinking?!) and start documenting my random every day experiences because they make me who I am – and that person is utterly FABULOUS - you need a bit of that in your world ;) 

Let’s start this show!