It's strange. The battle can have the most bizarre effect on everything, from your health, energy levels, outlook, to the way you dress, how much make-up you apply or how you wear your hair, and the words you choose to use in conversation when talking about that person or the situation you find yourself in.
Today I'm low. I'm a lil' emotional, I'm incredibly tired and I'm just ready to give in. That lottery win is desperately needed to revive me. I'd buy a nice flat, so I don't have to deal with the ridiculous renting situ, and book myself and some friends on a holiday of a lifetime.
I must stress, I'm not relying on the lottery to solve my problems - it's just a pipe dream. In reality, I know it has a lot to do with not dwelling on it, being busy and time.
'It'll get better with time' is the phrase I hear the most, and I know that it will. It's only in moments like this that I feel like I've been terribly wronged and that all is hopeless.
I was venting to a friend earlier, got dramatic and said:
"I wish we'd never got together".
She patiently responded:
"Well that's not good. Love is a good thing".
Despondent me:
"Not when it ends!"
To which she replied:
"Nothing is when it ends. But at least you know true love, and now you know not to accept anything less."
I didn't reply because all I could say is, I know how to give 'true love' not to receive it. He said he's not sure if he 'truly' ever loved me. But that's me being petty; it's also not 100% true - that's just my battered heart's understanding of what he said… it's also the one thing that keeps me awake at night and breaks my heart anew.
It'll fade, it'll all fade; and before my sense kicks in I'll probably be infatuated with another guy.
"All that's here is what you left behind (majesty),
Slowly moving in the back of my mind (can't forget)
Take a moment to remember me (and our ways)
Make me blind so I don't ever look back"
Night Sky, Chvrches
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