Focus on how you feel

As someone who has had body issues for as long as I can remember, it's difficult not to focus on things like 'how much you weigh' or your 'dress size'.

Growing up I was always quite active. I played Netball twice a week (practise and a game), I was on the athletics team, and would walk 5k a day (to school and back).

Once I'd done my A Levels, my life became more sedentary. Within two years I went from a UK size 10 (US 6) to a size 14 (US 10). didn't help that I was working in a pub and my routine was a late start and late finish with beer and burgers making up most of my meals. Exercise ceased to exist in my life.

However, I was completely unaware that there was anything 'wrong' with my body.

I was blissfully ignorant to the feelings of body self-consciousness until a boy I used to date as a young teenager called me 'meaty'.

Comments like that have continued to haunt me and even when people I love, including boyfriends, have tried to convince me otherwise. There's an image in my head that I'm in constant competition with. I am never satisfied.

But I've learnt that what I'm looking for is not at the end of any fad diet and the scales at the gym (because I don't own my own) are never going to make me happy.

It's going to be the way I feel in my favourite pair of jeans. The way they hug my thighs without cutting off circulation when I sit down.

It's going to be the way my t-shirts do not ride up my back when I walk and the fact that I can carry those heavy shopping bags a bit further before swapping hands.

Feeling stronger due to a healthier, active lifestyle. Looking 'better' will be an added bonus.

Body FAIL

At 30, I'm not old. Well, when you're under 25 I suppose 30 seems ancient but now I'm here, I am not old. So why is my body starting to fall apart?!

This weekend I got dressed up as an Avatar for a friend's 30th - I promised you a pic so here it is (eek)

I know, I know, I look like a twat but that what fancy dress is for!! 

Anyway, back on topic, obviously I got pretty drunk. I tumbled into a cab at about half past three in the morning, somehow was sober enough to wash ALL of my make up off before bed and then I promptly fell into bed STARKERS because I just couldn't function anymore to put on my PJs. 

Sunday morning brought with it glorious sunshine and horrendous body issues! WTF?! No hangover just a body that felt as though I'd been run down by a train, followed by a truck and swiftly beaten to a pulp by the Hulk. My throat ached, my nose hurt, I was suffering from an awful neck pain, shoulders ached, and my legs felt like dead weights.   

When did going out for a night of drinking, fun and dancing mean ending up in that state? 

I am not prepared. I guess my next online food shop will include more paracetamol and apparently some Deep Heat - good god!