Boy pretending

Now that's it's all over I can see how much I liked him.

The scary thing is, it was completely out of nowhere and now, it doesn't even matter anymore because it's over - before it even started.

He was the first in a long time, and his presence effected me more than I realised, until now when he's no longer around.

It was over something stupid, and I know I could most probably call him and this niggling pain will cease to be but I refuse to because he's not the one for me. He's not ready.

If it's time to be with someone new then they have got to represent, because I cannot settle for 'boy pretending to be man'.

Putting yourself out there

Despite giving myself the 'talk' on my way to work this morning, I expected a response.

Me1 - "You won't get one. You know you won't. He's not like that."
Me2 - "I know but I can't help but think.."
Me1 - "Don't get your hopes up honey. I know you want to hear something back but don't expect anything."
Me2 - "You're right. I won't get anything."
Me1 - "Good girl."
Me2 - "You don't think maybe?"
Me1 - "No. Don't think about it."
Me2 - "You know I'm going to check my gmail account as soon as I get in though, don't you?"
Me1 - "Sigh. I know. Fingers crossed. I want there to be a response."
Me2 - "Me too."

I put it off for as long as I could... 20 minutes. No response. But I already knew that'd be the case.

Men - Mars, Women - Venus? PAH!

It should be simple, right? I like you, you like me. BAM! An interesting ‘relationship' begins. So why is it that I’ve been battling, for months now may I point out, to define what I am/was/could be to someone?

I’ve actually gone as far as label myself to them as “FWB” potential – that’s ‘friends with benefits’ for all those innocents out there. I don’t want anything more, well... I didn’t. But that’s all changed. I actually grew to quite like the guy and the thought did cross my mind, much as I hate to admit it, that maybe just maybe, we could be something more.

It hasn’t really bothered me too much up until recently, mainly because I’ve had no idea what on earth is going on. Should the result be that we remain friends or go our separate ways, I’m not fussed, I just hate being in limbo. But my patient days are over because I officially give up giving a crap.

Now, you must think me crazy to put my business out there knowing that there’s a chance my ‘object of affection’ could read this. I’m here for two reasons; one, it gives people like me something funny/interesting/damn right crazy to read in our spare time, and two, sometimes it’s just nice to air your dirty laundry out in a public place.

Really, it’s because I’m baffled. Why, when it comes to the opposite sex, do we find it so hard to just be up-front and honest? It saves a hell of a lot of time because you’re not trying to read between the lines of every phone call, or text. A simple ‘I want you – let’s get it on’ will suffice, not to be used verbatim I might add, could result with a drink in the face.

Put me out of my misery quick and painless, like pulling off a band aid. If it’s bad news, I’ll be able to stop wasting time and move on. If it’s good news then great! Let’s party. You don’t have to pretend because that doesn’t win you any brownie points – even on the friendship table.

Please don’t take this as a jibe at men because ladies, you know we do it too. Men aren’t from Mars, and women aren’t from Venus. We’re both from Earth, so how about we stop playing games and start speaking the same language?

Stop fooling yourself

I like him. It's true, I can't help it. Arrgggh.

I've been trying so hard for it not to be true but last night I had to admit it to myself. In fact, I wasn't even thinking about it but I was a little 'toweleee' and was having a text conversation with my friend, Kay, and it just kind of... slipped out.

So now I'm out there and exposed.

Not to him, hell no. I'd die if he found out. Oh god, what if he already knows?