The onesie rut

Sitting at home watching movies with your girls is all right every once and a while but when you take stock of your month and see that it happens each and every evening and weekend… it's time to re-evaluate your social life.

The problem with January is it's a 'poor' month for me. I over spend at Christmas because it's the party season and I've seem to continued with that level of spending into the New Year. It's day 20 and I've already had to dip into my savings to save me from going too far into my overdraft.

We all know I love to spend.

In the last month alone I've had to fork out for 3 family birthday presents, lots of travel and then there's my shopping habit (2 coats, 3 pairs of shoes and some new gym kit - not apologising for the the last one though).

This has GOT TO STOP. With 11 days left of the month I'm looking at my calendar and thinking - I can hold on for a little bit longer if it means I am in a better position financially.

My hair is badly in need of a trim but with some serious deep conditioning and homemade oil treatments, my ends can survive for another 2 weeks. And now that I've recovered from my common but brutal cold, I'll fill a couple of week nights with visits to the gym, even if it's just for 30 minutes in the sauna.

My work lunches will be brought in from home EVERY DAY and I will use whatever I have in the cupboards. Dinner will be sponsored by Scandal, meaning that I shall be eating nothing but popcorn until pay day next Friday, and at the weekend I can make a point of visiting my mum's to get fed.

Bloody hell, I'm nearly 31 and I'm living like a student.

In the meantime I should probably invest in a few more onesies... I think I might have a shopping addiction.

What do I want?

So this weekend I spent Saturday wandering around Home-ware stores with my mum fantasising about how we would kit out our homes if:
1) I won the lottery and bought a cottage down by the sea
2) Mum kicked my brother and sister out and had the place to herself

I feel more motivated now to make that dream come true. I can actually visualise it, and we all know what happens when you visualise… :D

I'm still very wistful about my situation with him but I guess it's all part of letting go of those dreams you had of your future together. Just because he's no longer part of them, doesn't mean I can't still have what I dreamed of.

A lot of my friends are studying hard to better their present situations, putting in the work now preparing for the future and I feel like I've been neglecting that for a long time.

A lot of it comes from the reality of me just not knowing what I want out of life; and a situation one of my closest friends is going through has made me question how much importance I put on financial stability, career stability and overall 'SUCCESS' when all I want is to be happy, and in fact striving to achieve these things makes me unhappy… hmmmmmmm.

I found this interesting article on LinkedIn about being bored rather than busy, and this snippet made SO much sense:

"So many of us desperately want to feel alive—but instead, we’re left chasing our own tails, always hoping that this next thing will be the thing that saves us.

It’s sort of like what happens when you want something to eat, but you aren’t sure what. So you start by making yourself a sandwich, but soon realise that wasn’t it. So you go for some potato chips, but that wasn’t it. So you have a few spoonfuls of ice cream, but that wasn’t it. So you migrate to leftover spaghetti, but that doesn’t do the trick either. Now you’re onto a bag of marshmallows, but STILL NOT HITTING THE SPOT, and the more you eat, the more annoyed you get, because even though you’re stuffed you’re still craving that ONE THING and you don’t know what it is so you go ahead and HELP YOURSELF TO EVERY REFRIGERATOR!"

So what do I want?

Love, in the romantic sense :)
Always top of my list and presently an area I'm not doing well in AT ALL

A place in the country
I'm only going to be able to own if I win the money, have it bought for me or cease having a social life for the rest of my days in order to save the money myself

To go on a Salsa holiday for a couple of weeks
Cuba, South America

To work for myself
Doing what, I've no idea yet :) to be brainstormed in 'What do I want: part two'

Family
And by that I mean one of my own; children, a husband/better half, family dog… eventually

They say life is what you make it and I think a lot of people make it about money & success, but to whose definition of the words?!

For me, if I manage to GET that cottage/house by the sea I'll know that I have definitely succeeded in something - who wouldn't be happy watching the sunset across the sea from their own garden?

Taking care of the fam

My nan & grandad are getting on a bit now. Neither of them can really get around easily and I swear they rattle when they move for the number of pills they have to take. 

I love them dearly and am dreading the day *sob*, you catch my drift. But I've got to say what scares me most, hand on heart, is my grandad's driving in his death trap of a car. I swear to god, my hands ache after a trip with him from gripping the seat in fear for my life! 

So I'm in a bid to get my siblings and cousins saving £100-£150 a piece between now and Christmas (should be a piece of piss, right?) so we can go in together on a secondhand car. It's got to be better than what they've got now. We've also got to consider the state of my grandad's driving... there's no chance I'm trusting him with a new one. 

I just hope the family will all be on board. 

All for one....