LOST

I wake from a sad dream to find reality much the same.
Although the 'spring' sun shines through my window,
The warmth of its rays are empty when they touch my skin.
All feeling lost.

Life passes me by and I'm stuck in a limbo,
Neither coming or going.
Eyes ache from tears that have kept me company at night.
Sick with a want that has to be denied.

WISH I MEANT MORE

Sitting here, waiting for you to join me.
Oh dear, I let myself get carried away again.
Getting my hopes up that you actually want to spend time with me.
What a fool!
Why on earth would you want to do that?

UNDRESS ME

Shopping is a drug. I intended to pop out for 15 minutes but managed to lose a whole hour in the world of hats, shoes and pretty dresses. I was lost in a jungle of colours. And then out of the darkness came a glowing light, to which I was drawn.

There she was. She was absolutely beautiful. My soulmate. "I gots to have her!" But I'm not in a position to approach her right now so I had to turn away. Walking away, I cast one last loving look in her direction.

My love.

My soul.

Soon to be my dress! Bring on pay day.

x

WAITING FOR WORK

Yet another day in the office sipping coffee and surfing the net. Another day of wishing I had more money, more time at the weekends and a little less of my stomach! But I don't really help myself. I'm still spending more time doing any and everything else when I should be dedicating all of my time towards finding another job. One where I actually get to do something during the day.

BUT, my confidence and lack of experience in a specific area kinda gets in the way. So tonight people I HAVE got to fit in at least an hour on Mavis Beacon to improve my typing, and then another hour applying for positions.

What do I want to do? I have no bloody idea.

Four years ago I was carving a career in the Hospitality industry but that didn't exactly work out, and so now I'm trying to do the same in marketing. I read blogs and webpages daily to help improve my knowlegde but ultimately it all seems to go in through the eyes and out of my arse!

But you know what? As much as I complain about how 'useless' I may feel, I love to write and express myself. Which is why I'm here. I may not have to discipline to make it as a novalist but I can definitely while away the hours writing nonsense on here :)

MY IMPERFECTIONS

My letter to you...

Do you need to be perfect to be truly loved? I'm just wondering because we had a very interesting conversation last night, one which had me up until around two feeling sorry for myself, and I couldn't stop thinking that maybe you do. I could be over reacting here because you know that I am such a drama queen but being told, albeit in a roundabout way, that you're not good enough... it kinda gets you thinking, you know?

What does it take for someone to love me for who and what I am? Why must I reach for the stars? Why can't I just do things my way? Why must I do them your way? How can I know who I am if I'm always trying to act like someone you want me to be?

Hey, maybe I am weak. Maybe I don't always 'look on the bright side' but that's who I've always been and I've made it this far. So, a little advice... STOP pushing! I'll make it in my own time. If that's not good enough for you, I'm sorry we can't stay in each others lives. You are meant to be here to support and help me along, not push me into a box you think I should fit into.

I love you so so much, but last night you broke my heart.

x

CRUSH

Those pesky butterflies are off again. And all because he walked up behind me. Sigh, this is starting to get a tad annoying but I still like it. I don't know why it happens but when it does I feel like a bloody school girl. My cheeks get hot, I start sweating and tingles shoot up and down my spine. Then I start to think of how soft his touch would be and how it would feel to be all up close and personal with him. The sweet smell of his aftershave and the heat of his breath as he leans forward to kiss me. God damn it! There they go again.

But this little fantasy is what gets me through the day. Breaking the dreariness of the nine to five by playing silent games with my secret crush. And we play them all day. I know what he's thinking when we lock eyes as he walks past my office and when we brush arms as we pass each other in the corridor. He tries so hard not to show it but I can tell that he wants me. One day I really want to just grab him and kiss the shit out of him. Obviously not literally shit but, ah you know what I mean! Sigh, but until that day I guess I'm just going to have to apply some stronger deodorant.

;) x