Growth Of Self: The Release

Last night I cried.

I cried tears that came from no where

That had no where to go

I cried for loneliness

I cried for happiness

For hope and for loss 

I let them roll down my face

Onto my pillow

I gave into my weakness 

Which fuelled their power

I cried for me, for him & for her

I cried until I had nothing else

Then a peace descended on me

And I fell into a deep, dreamless slumber 

How Dare You!

I have a very dear friend, who has gone through SO much over the last 2-3 years, and that hasn't changed in the short time that I've known her. 

We met (properly) on a girly holiday last year and I'd say our bond was instant. She was present at one of the worse experiences of my life and has supported me ever since. Funnily enough we also share the same birthday. 

With all the stuff that's been happening in her life - not my place to say - I advised her to start a blog, as mine has helped me get stuff off my chest, I hoped she could do the same. So she did, anonymously, and for the last 5 months I've seen her open her mind to release the thoughts that, left unsaid, could tip anyone over the edge. 

Until today. Because today some selfish s**thead outted her. 

They hacked her phone and sent a nasty letter to all her friends, family, work colleagues, even her dentist, claiming that 'no-one should have secrets'! 

I am outraged. If I found out who it was - oooh, there would be trouble. 

If you knew how unassuming and nice she was, how hard she tries to keep her problems out of other people's lives. If you knew a smidgen of the crap she's been dealing with, you'd understand the f**king break she needs, but this person/people… clearly have NO compassion and definitely no respect. 

I'm speechless that there are people like this in the world. 

If you read this, please share with others. Let's spread the word that BULLYING is unacceptable. 

Thirty-two And A Spinster - Part Nine

Don't Stop Believing

They say you should never compare yourself to others, but I feel like there's no harm in it if it feeds you a little more motivation. 

In my post, Qualification Necessity or Fancy?, I rambled on about needing a qualification to certify my knowledge... It saddens me to say that I've still not taken the leap of spearheading into my career with confidence alone. 

I enjoy what I do. 

I feel I still have a lot to learn, but I enjoy the fact that I'm good at what I can do. 

Naturally, I want to be better; so I'm going to bite the bullet and book myself on a course/workshop. If I want to progress then I need this knowledge. And by just deciding this I'm SUPER excited! 

Every year since I was about 25, I've felt anxious leading up to my birthday. I think it's because I feel I should be in a certain place in my life and if I'm not then I feel bad, but this year was different. 

I've been through some emotional bad times in the last couple of years, and every time I felt like I was back on my feet something else would knock me off balance. So I guess, with all the baggage and counselling and the lost friendships, I've finally started living for me. If it doesn't bode well for me, then I don't have time for it.  

As cliche as this sounds, life is too short; and ain't nobody living this life but me so I'm going to do what I want to do and damn well enjoy myself.  

Peace! 

Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Eight

Acting Your Age

It was my actual birthday this weekend. I started celebrating on Thursday by going to see one of my favourite artists perform, #LucyRose.

Doors opened at 7pm, so I met up with my sister and a couple of gigging buddies at the venue. Drinks flowed freely, as did lots of random stories and so much laughter. It was an all round great night and Lucy's performance was as expected, top notch.

I was so stoked to wake up the next day to see she'd favourited one of my tweets :)

Anyway, Friday morning I felt a tad vulnerable.

It felt like the longest day of my life. I forced myself into work earlier than usual to make breakfast, which went down easily, but from that point I just felt like I kept slipping into a black hole of exhaustion - OLD age catching up with me!

But it didn't stop there, oh no! Friday nights we have drinks at the work bar so I stopped there for a couple. I'd managed to arrange a date for the evening, and as I'm sipping my wine getting all excited, who should walk in the door?! Mr Distraction!

I knew he was back in town for visa purposes but everyone who knew about me and him, were now looking to me for a reaction. (Things did not end on a good note).

For the hour that I stayed, we made NO eye contact, which is completely retarded behaviour... but it appears is the norm for us. I guess for me, I just don't know how to act around him when we're with people from work. Apart from a couple of my friends, no one knows.

And the date? No comment. Waste of my time! He didn't look like his picture and he had a sweating problem. This is my love life?!

*le sigh*

Have you ever seen those cards that are designed to look like they are from your "vices"?

A popular one is:

Well, after all the drink in my system from Thursday night and the Friday top ups, the no dinner and then suddenly messages from Mr Distraction.... my card would read:

"Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head, oh my"

What the f**k am I doing?! 

Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Seven

Freak Of Nature

Oh. Holy. Shit. I have had a nightmare week. 

First, I got into the office on Monday to find that all the work we've done towards the video stuff (scripts, guidelines, research, etc) has gone, poof, disappeared. Six weeks of work - I'm not ashamed to say that I cried.

Then the crazy guy from my post Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Five, has ramped up the volume on the psycho notch. I feel like I've ended a relationship and he's trying to convince me otherwise except in this case I HAVE NEVER MET HIM! 

Seriously!

Monday night I received two voicemails and countless 'apologetic but meaningless' texts after I had to block him from sending me whatsapp messages. 

Tuesday morning he called again, from a private number.  

Yesterday he text me again. This experience was starting to freak me out. I replied - why? because this guy needed to be told about himself. His persistence to contact me after I had asked SEVERAL times to stop is the exact reason I blocked him in the first place. He apologised. 

It was over. I went to bed with a sense of closure and slept deeply, peacefully. 

This morning... ready for a new day… he called again, leaving a voicemail, inviting me to his birthday drinks tomorrow night.

"If you decide to come, and you like me, it will make it the best birthday EVER." 

I mean, what the actual f**k? I'm beyond speechless and I'm also really uncomfortable, to the point that I feel irrationally scared. 

I've asked him to stop. 

I've told him to stop. 

Now I'm ignoring him. 

What scares me most is that he doesn't see his behaviour as inappropriate. He feels that if he contacts me enough times, exercising the exact behaviour he is apologising for, I'll be won over.

10 missed calls, 7 voicemails, 573 texts *swoon* I'm yours! - er, nope. I don't know what rule book he's reading from, but in mine, that s**t is CRAZY.  

                                                                                     *because I never did!

Into The Darkness

From reading several articles on the matter, good visual design encourages learners to engage with e-learning content and positively affects the way in which learners absorb the key facts. 

How do I know that I am achieving this? 

Right now we're working on scripts for our training videos. We know what message we want to get across, but does that mean what we're saying is all relevant; are they real learning points?

The experts say: 

• Identify critical information and focus on that. 
• The most effective designs are clean and simple.
• Having one key element on the page will ensure learners remember it rather than getting distracted. 
• Make key elements larger or use contrasting colours.
• Design simple and intuitive navigation between sections with clear buttons and instruction so it is obvious what people have to do.
• Consistency gives the course a unified feel and pulls everything together.

It's all theory to me right now as I still do not have any completed content to work with, but the planning needs to happen now so we're ready to roll when we get it. Here's where I turn to t'internet for advice. 

There's only so much I can glean from these online resources. I want to be sure that I'm doing the right thing because ultimately I'm leading this project, I'm guiding others - the blind leading the blind, I fear. 

Tom Kuhlmann has a blog which shares 'practical tips & tricks to help you become a rapid learning pro'. Reading through it, I can't help but feel that you actually need to have a certain level of understanding of instructional design before you can really take these tips and run with them. 

I'm a novice; an enthusiastic novice but a novice nonetheless. I need a 'Dummy's Guide'; but let's see how it goes. 

"E-learning… The current adventure…

These are the voyages of AG-M.

Her continuing mission:

To explore emerging new learning trends…

To seek out new understandings; new ways to develop our species…

To boldly go where she's never gone before!" 

Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Six

So I signed up for a 10K run with some friends, as I wrote in Thirty-Two And A Spinster - Part Three, with an aim to complete in under an hour. 

I'd been training with #LazyGirlRunning since the beginning of January. I signed up because I needed something to motivate me to go running on a regular basis and it was nice to run with other people, even though I'm a complete social retard and tend to stick to myself. 

Over the weeks I noticed that I had more power, I was faster and my level of endurance was higher. So in the end, I smashed the time I was aiming for and completed in under 50 minutes! 

So proud. 

My calves were tight as hell and my left ankle, which has been acting up recently, behaved itself and saw me through. I'm taking a little break to recover but I'm already on the look out for another 10K that I can sign up to.  

On the day we all met up at the registration desk, dropped in our bags and picked up our t-shirts. There was a nice mix of girls and guys and friendly acknowledgement of the times we all wanted to aim for. 

By the first corner, we'd pretty much split up. The boys dashed off, the girls hung back, and I set off at my own pace watching my breathing and trying not to twist my ankles on the verges. 

They - whoever 'they' are - were right when they said running is a mental exercise. I really struggled around 8K; I felt absolutely exhausted and all I could think of was that a half marathon was over twice the distance I was running! Urgh. 

Still, I was stoked with my race time. A few of the guys had finished ahead of me so it was great to have them cheering me on at the finish line, and welcomed the pulled pork sandwich and beer I ordered in a local pub afterwards with great appreciation. 

#LazyGirlRunning starts up again in 2 weeks. I'm looking forward to pushing myself a little harder for better results :)      

Keep on running peeps!